


a language of its own

by finkpishnets



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Collage, F/M, Long-Distance Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkpishnets/pseuds/finkpishnets
Summary: College life is overwhelming.





	a language of its own

**Author's Note:**

> written for the [2018 zenmasters anthology](https://zenmastersanthology.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. the theme was separation, and i chose 'long distance', and then realised how hard it was not to have jackie and hyde interact for the majority of the story whilst still focusing on their relationship.
> 
> so instead i wrote about jackie burkhart finding herself.
> 
>  **edit:** now with [beautiful art](https://hydehart.tumblr.com/post/175532827832/a-language-of-its-own-ao3-author-madroxed) by [@hydehart](http://hydehart.tumblr.com/)!

 

 

He drives her to campus, the radio loud between them, and Jackie’s shoes abandoned under the dashboard, her head resting against the window as she watches familiar streets disappear behind them. Steven’s fingers are tapping out an uneven beat on the steering wheel, his sunglasses firmly in place despite the rain outside, and Jackie knows they’re as much a piece of armor as the deliberate silence.

The end of the summer feels too much like relief, and Jackie hates it; months of careless actions and fights that stretch thin until everything feels too close to tearing apart completely. The _future_ , and _plans_ , and _promises_ a weight only Jackie seems willing to bear, and maybe that’s why she’d left it to the last minute to bring it up, standing in the Forman’s basement and saying, “Well, college starts soon…” as Steven frowned.

She knows he thinks she’s running away, proving a point, finding another ultimatum, and maybe she is, but—

But she also graduated in the top ten percent of her class, received half a dozen acceptance letters from schools she applied to out of curiosity, and she’s starting to think that maybe, _just maybe_ , she owes it to herself to _see_.

She’s terrified, but as the highway stretches on she finally feels able to breathe.

 

 

**~**

 

 

Jackie’s roommate’s not moving in for a couple of days, and they’re able to drag their goodbyes out in unpacking and dinner and christening her new bed, refusing to utter the words until night’s started giving way to dawn.

“I have work in a few hours…” Steven says into the curve of her neck, and Jackie blinks back tears.

“I know,” she says, proud when the words don’t break. She wraps herself in a robe as he gets re-dressed, and then kisses him until her lungs burn.

“Hey,” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with gentle fingers, and Jackie’s heart skips a beat. “You’re gonna do awesome.”

They’re not the words she wants to hear, but maybe she’s stopped expecting them to be because her smile comes naturally.

“Of course I am,” she says, and lets him go.

 

 

**~**

 

 

College life is overwhelming.

She signs up for every class that catches her eye and starts sitting in on cheerleading practice, getting to know the team before mid-term try outs. There’s so many _people_ , people who have never heard of Point Place, Wisconsin, and she soaks it in and talks to anyone and everyone, dragging up her first impression smile and realizing, before long, that she doesn’t _need_ it. They’re all in the same boat, trying to figure out where they fit in, and Jackie finds she’s never short of company.

She goes out to new restaurants with her roommate, Leslie, attends parties on leaflets thrust at her on the quad, and sits in on study groups in the library that meld into talking about everything from books to movies to politics. She can’t always keep up, but no one seems to care, and it’s so _refreshing_.

Before she knows it, a month’s gone by and she’s barely thought of home once. 

It’d be sad if it didn’t feel so much like growing up.

 

 

**~**

 

 

She calls Steven when she wants to, a less painful alternative to missed schedules and nights full of wondering.

Sometimes they talk about their days, a string of crazy anecdotes about people she knows and people he doesn’t, and sometimes they don’t talk about much at all, Jackie falling asleep to the sound of whatever record Steven’s playing in the background, his voice a low murmur as he strings together words that aren’t _‘I miss you’_ but sometimes sound like it anyway.

It’s a waiting pattern and they both know it, but Jackie’s done being the one to put her heart on the line.

 

 

**~**

 

 

Sometimes Steven calls _her_.

It feels like—

Well.

It feels like _something._

 

 

**~**

 

 

Donna comes to visit, taking up the majority of Jackie’s bed with her stilt legs and staring wistfully around the campus.

“I can’t believe how much I miss you,” she says, which would be flattering if she wasn’t frowning. “Boys are the worst. It was come here or kill one of them, and Kelso might be incompetent but he’s still a cop. Also none of those wimps would help me hide a body.”

Jackie rolls her eyes. “Come on,” she says. “We’ll buy face masks and you can help me study for my calc test.” 

“Yay,” Donna says dryly, but Jackie doesn’t miss the way her fingers hover over the textbooks piled on Jackie’s desk.

 

 

**~**

 

 

“He misses you, you know?” Donna says, later, when they’re sat on Jackie’s floor eating ice cream and listening to the party down the hall get shut down by the R.A. Jackie’s mind’s still on math so it takes her a moment.

“Huh?” she says. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Donna repeats, teasingly, and seems surprised when Jackie just shrugs.

“I know he does,” Jackie says. “I’m not sure that changes anything, though.”

Donna blinks and then falls back on the floor with a groan.

“I can’t believe _I’m_ the one that gave up college for a _boy_ ,” she says. “ _Me_. And here you are shrugging off talking about Hyde and studying differentials. What the hell happened to us?”

“I’m not shrugging off talking about Steven,” Jackie says, because it’s important Donna understands. “It’s not—” She takes a deep breath. “I love him. I want to be with him. But he has to want that too.”

“I’m sure he does—” Donna starts, but Jackie waves her off.

“Maybe,” she says. “Maybe not. But if he can’t picture a future with me in it, then I’m not going to push him anymore. I’m tired of being the only one making plans for us. And I’m not going to wait around just in case.”

“Oh,” Donna says. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with the annoying, screechy girl that accidentally became my best friend?”

Jackie laughs, feeling some of the tension slide off her shoulders where she’s been carrying it around, waiting for someone to tell her she’s doing the right thing.

“I still think it’ll work out,” Donna says when she leaves two days later, a pile of class pamphlets shoved into the side pocket of her bag she doesn’t know Jackie’s seen, and an awkward smile tugging at her lips, “but even if it doesn’t…I’m proud of you.”

Jackie hugs her tight and Donna puts up a half-hearted protest at best.

 

 

**~**

 

 

Unsurprisingly, Jackie’s a great actress; it’s just never occurred to her before to use it as it’s intended.

It’s a matter or being in the wrong place at the right time, and the next thing she knows she’s playing the lead in the Drama department’s freshman production, learning lines and rehearsing at all hours and loving every second of it. 

She sends invites for opening night via Donna, and her friends show up in force. She watches from the wings as Michael flirts with the girls from Jackie’s Sociology class and Fez eats an entire bag of sour gummies before the lights even dim. Eric looks bored, and Jackie’s sure Donna had to drag him along, but he’s still _here_ , and she can’t say she expected that.

Steven’s wearing slacks and a shirt with buttons, and Jackie’s breath stutters when she spots the small bouquet of pink roses in his lap.

She barely remembers the curtains rising, but the next thing she knows the room’s full of applause, Michael’s whistling cutting through everything else.

It’s _exhilarating_.

There’s a party afterwards, and she makes her way through the crowds, hugging her co-stars and the tech crew, and being pulled into conversation with her classmates who flood her with honest compliments, judging her entirely by what she brought to the table, and judging her well.

By the time she finds her friends, they’re pulling on coats and getting ready to make the long drive home, and she barely has time to thank them for coming and accept being bundled in a group hug where both Michael and Fez try to grope her butt. 

She’s so happy, she doesn’t even complain.

Steven’s the last to pull away, and he hands her the slightly crushed roses with a sheepish smile. It’s ridiculous but Jackie _blushes_ , leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek, and when she steps back there’s a flush climbing up Steven’s neck, too.

“You were _awesome_ ,” he says, and Jackie’s toes curl in her shoes.

“I’m so glad you came,” she says, and then he’s being pulled away by Eric before she even has the chance to thank him for the flowers, to tell him how happy she is to see him, to kiss him properly.

It seems like a cruel joke, and she lets herself feel it for a moment before she pushes her shoulders back and carries on.

 

 

**~**

 

 

(Her phone rings at three in the morning, and it’s lucky Leslie’s staying over at her boyfriend’s place.

“Next time I’m going to push Forman into a ditch,” Steven says instead of ‘hello’, and Jackie laughs, still half asleep and wondering if she’s dreaming.

“Thank you for the flowers,” she mumbles, “I was so happy to see you. I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you properly.”

“You’re welcome,” he says softly, and she curls her fingers around the phone cord and sinks back into her pillow.

“Play me something?” she says, and hears Steven’s quiet laugh before music begins to drift through the line.

“Night, sweetheart,” he says before she slips away.)

 

 

**~**

 

 

In the morning she wonders if she dreamt it.

 

 

**~**

 

 

Her mom calls and invites her to spend Christmas in Florida with her and her new man, and it’s such a surprise Jackie immediately says yes, out of curiosity more than anything.

(“I hope he’s another Bob,” Steven says when she calls to inform him of the change in plans.

“How dare you,” Jackie says, and doesn’t mean it. “Anyway, you’ll have to save my gift for later.”

“Sure,” he says, “because I have absolutely bought you a gift.”

“ _Steven_ ,” she says, and he laughs.

“Don’t worry,” he says, “Since you’re such a slave to capitalism, I’ll buy you something suitably pink and shiny.”

“And expensive,” she says.

“Don’t push it,” Steven says, and it’s Jackie’s turn to laugh.)

Jason isn’t another Bob, but Jackie likes him anyway. He’s attractive and rich and seems to adore her mother. More importantly, Pam looks at him like he hung the moon, and Jackie’s not so jaded that she doesn’t see the honesty in it.

The holiday’s full of extravagant parties and gourmet food, and the only downside is that Florida’s far too warm for Jackie’s excellent winter wardrobe to put in an appearance. 

When she gets back to school, two days before classes start up, there’s a package waiting for her. Inside is a pink envelope, covered in glitter glue, and Jackie rolls her eyes until she opens it to find two tickets to see Fleetwood Mac in Madison.

She calls Steven immediately.

“Are you kidding?” she says, and is aware her voice is two octaves too high, but she’s too excited to care.

“I figured, since they’re about the only band we _both_ like, it’d be a good choice,” Steven says, and there’s something pointed about the words that makes Jackie have to sit down.

“They’re for us,” she says, “and they’re for May.”

“Yeah,” Steven says distractedly, and she can hear him handing a customer their change in the background. “You should be done with exams by then, right?”

“Yes,” Jackie says, and wants to cry. “I’ll be free.”

“Great,” he says. “So, hey, how was your Christmas?”

 _The best ever_ , she thinks, and tells him about the two hundred dollar turkey her mom tried to buy.

 

 

**~**

 

 

By Spring Break she’s ready to burn her textbooks.

She’s planning on heading back to Point Place up until Donna calls and persuades her that it’s her first college Spring Break and the guys are all going to be working, and wouldn’t she rather, say, drive down to California with Donna where they can crash with her mom and party with all the other poor, overworked academics?

It’s a good argument, made stronger when Leslie grabs her arm and tells her she and some of the girls from the sorority she’s rushing are headed down to Cali, too. 

However much she wants to see Steven (and, okay, Michael and Fez, and even Eric), the idea of cocktails and bikinis and parties on the beach is too good to miss out on. 

“You definitely need to blow off some steam,” Steven says when she calls. She’s not asking for permission, but she feels guilty that she’s seen him for a total of five minutes since school started, and this is just another holiday she’s skipping out on. 

She doesn’t want him to think it’s because she doesn’t want to see him.

(She always wants to see him.)

He laughs when she says it, not unkindly, and reminds her that it’s one of his busy times anyway, and he’ll be working pretty solidly. Also that Eric’s the only one of them without a steady job, so if she wanted to come hang out with him…

She goes to California.

It’s as fun as Donna said, and if Jackie wishes Steven were there too, then that’s okay.

She doesn’t let it stop her from having fun.

 

 

**~**

 

 

One of the guys in her Calc class invites her to a party at his frat house, and, since Leslie’s out of town and most of her other friends are knee deep in exam revision, Jackie goes.

She recognizes a handful of people, and is more than happy to make the rounds to get to know more, sipping from her red solo cup and glad for the tolerance years in the Forman basement’s provided her.

She ends up chatting to a sophomore from the Drama department for over an hour, asking his opinion about electives, and discussing the list of plays the professors are thinking about for next year.

Jackie’s four drinks in when he leans forward to kiss her, and she ducks her head so he catches her ear instead.

“Sorry,” she says, because he’s frowning and because maybe she should have been more clear. “I have a boyfriend.”

“And, what,” the guy laughs, still looking put out, “he’s bigger than me?”

“Yes,” she says, “he could totally kick your ass, but I _meant_ that he’s the only person I wanna kiss.”

“Whatever,” the guy says, but he leaves her alone, heading towards a blonde near the kitchen.

“Yo, Jackie!” someone calls, and when she turns her host’s setting up a game of beer pong, and waving her over.

She grabs another drink and goes.

 

 

**~**

 

 

By the time finals are looming, Jackie and Steven are talking almost every night. 

She rants about evil professors and the girls down her hall who play disco music until the small hours of the morning, and he talks about his search for an apartment, finally taking the leap away from the Forman’s storeroom. 

She tries not to think about what that means.

They haven’t seen each other for months, and yet Jackie’s stopped second guessing everything, stopped worrying that he’s moving on without her. There’s barely even a spark of jealousy when he mentions a girl’s name, just the sadness that comes with so many miles of distance, and Jackie knows then that college has done more for her than just mold her mind.

“I miss you,” she says, because it finally feels safe to, and she hears his breath catch slightly on the other end of the line.

“I miss you, too,” he says, and it doesn’t overwhelm her, just settles somewhere deep and safe between her lungs.

It feels easier to breathe.

 

 

**~**

 

 

He comes to pick her up mid-May, after the last of her finals are done and her first year of college is behind her, an achievement no one can take away. 

Michael and Fez attempt to tag along, claiming ‘road trip!’, but an hour after she knows Steven’s left she gets a call from Donna asking why Hyde locked them in the Forman’s bathroom, and then agreeing to knock some sense into them once Jackie explains.

Jackie hears her shouting, “It’s been almost a year, you morons!” before she hangs up, and the thrill of spending the whole summer with her friends is almost too much. 

_Soon_ , she thinks.

By the time Steven arrives, she’s sat on the front step, waiting. Her hair’s cut shorter than he’s ever seen it, and she’s wearing clothes suitable for lugging boxes around, and he blinks at her, keys dangling from his hands.

“Hi,” he says, and she smiles, standing up and brushing dust off of her oversized dungarees.

“Hi,” she says, and drinks in the sight of him. 

_Forever_ , she thinks, and knows it’s true now more than ever.

“Okay,” he says, stepping forward. “Okay, just, first, let me—”

Steven kisses her, curving his palm around her cheek, and Jackie pushes up on her tiptoes, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and never wants to stop.

When they pause for breath, Steven presses a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose, running his fingers through her hair and humming in approval.

“Love you,” he says, and it’s so casual and intimate and unintentional that Jackie’s eyes well up.

“Love you, too,” she says, and hugs him close, dragging the moment on and on and on.

“Come on,” Steven says eventually, keeping an arm around her, “let’s grab your stuff and hit the road. I wanna stop by the DIY store.”

“Why?” she says, paying more attention to the feel of his hand curled around her hip than his words.

“Figured we could pick out colors for the apartment,” he says, “but I’m vetoing pink right now.”

She blinks up at him before it hits her.

“Oh,” she says, and when he smiles it’s small and knowing. “Okay.”

“It’s gonna be a long summer,” he says, and means something so much bigger.

“Yeah,” Jackie says, and tangles their fingers together at her side, thinking about the _future_ and _plans_ and _promises_. “I’m excited.”

 _For us_ , she means.

_For this._

_For finally being on the same page._

_For no longer feeling like it’s the scariest thing in the world._

“Me too,” he says, and it’s everything.

 

 

**~**

 

 

(“…What about _one_ pink room?”

“No,” he says, rolling his eyes, and then sighs in defeat. “Maybe one day. Fifty-fifty chance.”

Jackie absolutely does not start crying in the middle of a DIY store, but it’s a close thing.)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://madroxed.tumblr.com/).


End file.
